Sometimes It's Best to Keep Your Mouth Shut

 I’ve written several posts for this week.

They all drummed on about something pure and insightful for myself (maybe for others).

This is short and sweet.

Don’t let people walk on you, especially the ones you used to love.

I am a confrontational person.  I will hunt someone down to speak truth to a matter.  A defender of myself and actions I take.  And the judge, jury and executioner for the defense of anyone I love.  I walk with pride in the values I hold and grow into.  It is extremely hard for me to make decisions for myself of any caliber (i.e. buying a pair of shoes more than $29.99 or waiting 1.5 years into separation to get a divorce).  I will ALWAYS make high level, future gains, extra support choices for my daughter - ALWAYS - no apology.  

I say all of this because I have learned that by enacting any of those characteristics it can fuel a fire, especially with someone emotionally unstable as a seesaw effect.

When I was young my father would say (mainly to me and not my siblings)

“sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut”.

It’s annoying.

It’s true.

You catch more bees with honey than vinegar (PSA… be kind to bees, plant bee-friendly plants). And sometimes that honey is a half smile and walking away.

When I am shamed for how I function on a daily basis, how I mom, how I achieve, what I said when I was 25, and my ability to move on.  It lights me up.

If you are reading this and you have moved on from a relationship (of any level) but there are still emotional tethers, still access to manipulation - stop.  Breathe.  Take inventory and seek additional support.  This is a great site, tether-points-how-emotional-wounds-keep-us-stuck-in-the-past, to start bringing language to that feeling just beyond your sternum.

This is much easier (possibly) when children aren’t involved but I write this to remind myself… the children have nothing to do with the tether and the cutting of the ties (period).

In August it will be 4 years since I became divorced.  And I still feel like I’m on a boat where my Ex controls the wave machine at his leisure.  

I have a lot more work to do and it’s even more amplified by being in a relationship that’s healthy.  I don’t want my new Beau to live with this obstacle that keeps flaring up like a bad case of hemorrhoids.

 

So in short.  I have work to do.  Self-talk to shut up.  Future clarity of how much anxiety I can take before I’m done punishing myself for making a life partner choice that was very wrong.  I cannot make everyone happy… but I need to start trying to Happify myself.

I’ll end with a song that drew me in while I wasn’t paying attention a night in a hotel during my work travels, no sleep, and self-guilt

It's Okay

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - NightBirde (check out her blog, amazing writer)

With love and strength to anyone that is reading this… Chose yourself before catering to someone else’s emotions that don’t matter anymore.

~virtual chest bump