Single, Alone, Independent, Solo, Uno, Uncoupled, +0, Sole, Lone, Solitary, Eligible, Unaccompanied… you get the point.
Depending on your personality all of this could sound like heaven or hell.
Both of us come from very different experiences in being Coupled and Uncoupled, however, we have the benefit of reality, humor and the ability to look back - and a little bit forward - without shame or judgment.
So, we have decided to break it down for you in case you can’t seem to create your own Pros and Cons list. And if you’re anything like us wondering… "where did Pros and Cons even come from?”
The phrase 'pros and cons' is an abbreviation of the Latin phrase pro et contra, 'for and against', and has been in use in the abbreviated form since the 16th century, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.
Let’s start with the bad news first…
CONs:
You need to do everything yourself, unless you have amazing friends, family and neighbors that willingly want to help with no expectation of anything in return.
Dinner for 1 is hard to break down when most recipes have ingredients for 4 people.
Easy to let yourself go.
It’s quiet.
Unless you have a social job, you don’t have anyone at home to use the rest of your daily word allotment. (According to a 2014 study by Arizona State University Professor Dr. Matthias Mehl; on average, women speak 16,215 words per day and men speak 15,669 words per day).
You become an extreme pet or plant owner.
You don’t clean as often as you should.
OR You clean Every. Single. Day.
Sex only exists if you are a regular at online dating OR frequent after hours hang outs OR you have a FWB.
You don’t have anyone to put sunscreen or lotion on your back.
“Date Night” means nothing to you and you wretch in your mouth a little when other sing-songedly exclaim the day.
If you’re a woman - people feel bad for you and try to recommend ways for you to meet someone. If you're a man - people think you’re lucky or understand you have chosen that way of life and recommend people for you to meet.
The good news of life on your own (or at least your own terms):
PROs:
You’re able to do everything the way you want it.
You learn how to do a lot of things yourself because you realize that the pay back for the help you get is more work than the actual thing you needed help with.
You don’t have to wear pants in the house.
You don’t have to shave.
You don’t need a clothes hamper.
You get the entire bed to yourself...this means all of the pillows and blankets.
There is nobody to judge you for the six alarms you set in the morning.
You can go a few days without showering and not offend anyone.
You can eat what you want, when you want it.
You don’t need to check in with anyone to make any decision.
Your money is your money.
Zero judgement zone on whatever movie or show you want to watch.
You get the whole bathroom to yourself and don’t need to close doors.
Farting… ‘nough said.
You have the ability to own things yourself.
Get physically cut because you got time if you want it.
The listing is all fun, true, sarcastic, and ridiculous.
At the end of the day (and really all of your days) keep this in mind... whatever is in your ‘PROs list’ as to why you like/want/or just are single, those are really the things you need to be comfortable doing WITH a partner around.
If you can’t do the things you subconsciously do, or quite frankly, just like to do, with another person around… then that’s not your person.
Repeat.
It's not your person if you feel inauthentic.
And this goes for romantic or roommate/friend. Also, everyone is different. There are MANY people we know that have never been alone. They have never lived on their own (i.e. living with parents, having roommates through college, possibly moving back in with parents or continuing with roommates, moving in with guy/girl dating, married...etc.). So to think of becoming fully independent is paralyzing. We can’t recommend enough to find a point in your life to live alone, take a vacation by yourself, go to the spa alone for a day, take yourself to dinner and a movie… any level of what meets your life where it is in order to find time away from what you might rely on. Like the whole point in our blog.
Nothing is permanent.
Yes this may seem “glass is half empty”. But we come from situations that surprised us with the “single card”. It wasn’t by choice, yet we both have had to (and wanted to) stand on our own at some point(s) in our early life that made the “surprise” in our 30’s less of a burden to overcome because we had the ability to flex a muscle in a way that we already understood. By no means is this a break down of “BE SINGLE” “FUCK PARTNERSHIP” “BAIL ON YOUR LIFE NOW”
It’s about having reality in your single or partnered life.
So some terms of engagement for your independent-flex:
Make time for yourself.
Have your own bank account NO MATTER WHAT.
Ask for what you need.
Give without hesitation but not to depletion.
Set boundaries… and BTW, boundaries aren’t some reactive thing needed to eliminate or reduce negative emotion. Boundaries can also, and mostly, mean healthy engagements with others to bring your best self to any situation (and to be clear that others should be bringing their best selves too).
Romantic or Friendship or Career - it’s not a 50/50, it’s 100/100. You already come to the table whole, you don’t need someone or something to “complete you”. If you feel different with that thought… we can’t recommend therapy enough!!
ALWAYS work on yourself. Learn more. Try new things INDEPENDENTLY.
Be honest - not mean.
Do things that make you feel sexy and sweet.
Make time for others outside of your person or thing that you’re “always with”. Don’t be a douche and abandon your ride-or-die crew for the shiny new person or job.
Make a list, meditate, go through the human process of reasoning with your feelings. Just know nothing lasts forever. It's not a gut or heart thing... it's all together. When there is a balanced feeling in you whether its while single or dating - IT'S A GOOD THING. Let it be the feels. Don't second guess the path you're on. You are gaining something invaluable in your life from whatever higher divine you entrust.
What's something on your list?
Does the list even matter?
~ virtual chest bump
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